warmae

Dilluns, 12 de juny de 2006

THE PHILOSOPHY OF A FOOTBALL MATCH...

[Aerial view of Muenchen Olympic stadium.]

Football Commentator Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium, Muenchen [caption "INTERNATIONALE PHILOSOPHIE -Rueckspiel" {International Philospohy - Return match}] for the second leg of this exciting final. [German philosophers jog out of the dressing room.] And here come the Germans now, led by their skipper, "Nobby" Hegel. They must surely start favourites this afternoon; they've certainly attracted the most attention from the press with their team problems. And let's now see their line-up.

[Caption "DEUTSCHLAND" {Germany}
1 LEIBNITZ
2 I. KANT
3 HEGEL
4 SCHOPENHAUER
5 SCHELLING
6 BECKENBAUER
7 JASPERS
8 SCHLEGEL
9 WITTGENSTEIN
10 NIETZSCHE
11 HEIDEGGER]

[High shot of Germans jogging onto pitch.] The Germans playing
4-2-4, Leibnitz in goal, back four Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer and
Schelling, front-runners Schlegel, Wittgenstein, Nietzsche and
Heidegger, and the mid-field duo of Beckenbauer and Jaspers.
Beckenbauer obviously a bit of a surprise there.

[Greek philosophers, all in togas, jog from the dressing room.]
And here come the Greeks, led out by their veteran centre-half,
Heraclitus.

[Caption "GRIECHENLAND" {Greece}
1 PLATO
2 EPIKTET
3 ARISTOTELES
4 SOPHOKLES
5 EMPEDOKLES VON ACRAGA
6 PLOTIN
7 EPIKUR
8 HERAKLIT
9 DEMOKRIT
10 SOKRATES
11 ARCHIMEDES]

[High shot of Greeks jogging onto pitch, kicking balls about
etc.] Let's look at their team. As you'd expect, it's a much
more defensive line-up. Plato's in goal, Socrates a front-
runner there, and Aristotle as sweeper, Aristotle very much the
man in form. One surprise is the inclusion of Archimedes.

[An oriental referee, holding a large sandglass, walks down the
centre line, flanked by two linesmen with haloes.]

Well here comes the referee, Kung Fu Tsu Confucius, and his two linesmen, St Augustine and St Thomas Aquinas. [Referee spots the ball and the captains shake hands.] And as the two skippers come
together to shake hands, we're ready for the start of this very
exciting final. The referee Mr Confucius checks his sand and...
[referee blows his whistle] they're off! [The Germans
immediately turn away from the ball, hands on chins in deep
contemplation.] Nietzsche and Hegel there. Karl Jaspers number
seven on the outside, Wittgenstein there with him. There's
Beckenbauer. Schelling's in there, Heidegger covering.
Schopenhauer. [Pan to the other end, the Greeks also thinking
deeply, occasionally gesticulating.] And now it's the Greeks,
Epicurus, Plotinus number six. Aristotle. Empedocles of
Acragus and Democratus with him. There's Archimedes. Socrates,
there he is, Socrates. Socrates there, going through. [The
camera follows Socrates past the ball, still on the centre
spot.] There's the ball! There's the ball. And Nietzsche
there. Nietzsche, number ten in this German side.

[Caption "DEUTSCHLAND - GRIECHENLAND
0 : 0"]

Kant moving up on the outside. Schlegel's on the left, the
Germans moving very well in these opening moments.

Anchorman [in the studio] Well, there you are. And we'll be
returning to the match some time in the second half, but right
now it's time for wrestling.

[Cut to a wrestling ring containing a Master of Ceremonies.]

Anchorman Well what a match.Well right now we're going back to the
Olympic stadium for the closing minutes of the Philosophy Final,
and I understand that there's still no score.

[On the pitch, a German is remonstrating with the referee.]

Football Commentator Well there may be no score, but there's certainly
no lack of excitement here. As you can see, Nietzsche has just
been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius
of having no free will, and Confucius he say, "Name go in book".
And this is Nietzsche's third booking in four games. [We see a
bearded figure in a red track-suit is warming up on the touch-line.]
And who's that? It's Karl Marx, Karl Marx is warming up. It
looks as though there's going to be a substitution in the German
side. [Marx removes the track-suit, under which he is wearing a
suit.] Obviously the manager Martin Luther has decided on all-
out attack, as indeed he must with only two minutes of the match
to go. And the big question is, who is he going to replace,
who's going to come off. It could be Jaspers, Hegel or
Schopenhauer, but it's Wittgenstein! Wittgenstein, who saw his
aunty only last week, and here's Marx. [Marx begins some
energetic knees-up running about.] Let's see it he can put some
life into this German attack. [The referee blows his whistle;
Marx stops and begins contemplating like the rest.] Evidently
not. What a shame. Well now, with just over a minute left, a
replay on Tuesday looks absolutely vital. There's Archimedes,
and I think he's had an idea.

Archimedes Eureka! [He runs towards the ball and kicks it.]

Football Commentator Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to
Archimedes, Archimedes out to Heraclitus, he beats Hegel [who,
like all the Germans, is still thinking]. Heraclitus a little
flick, here he comes on the far post, Socrates is there,
Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are
going mad, the Greeks are going mad. Socrates scores, got a
beautiful cross from Archimedes. The Germans are disputing it.
Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct
of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative
is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination,
and Marx is claiming it was offside. But Confucius has answered
them with the final whistle! It's all over! Germany, having
trounced England's famous midfield trio of Bentham, Locke and
Hobbes in the semi-final, have been beaten by the odd goal, and
let's see it again. [Replay viewed from behind the goal.]
There it is, Socrates, Socrates heads in and Leibnitz doesn't
have a chance. And just look at those delighted Greeks. [The
Greeks jog delightedly, holding a cup aloft.] There they are,
"Chopper" Sophocles, Empedocles of Acragus, what a game he had.
And Epicurus is there, and Socrates the captain who scored what
was probably the most important goal of his career.
[Aerial view of stadium; segue into Gilliam animation]

Presenter And now for ten seconds of sex.
[Totally blank screen for ten seconds; sound of clock ticking.]
Presenter Okay, you can stop now.
Reporter Why do they go on about it? Isn't there anything else of
interest to these people?

[…]
Captions: MONTY PYTHON'S FLIEGENDER ZIRKUS (1972) BBC2

DON'T YOU MISS THE PHILOSOPHY FINAL!! HAHAHA

PD Y es que ya lo decía la Tina! Mientras los bisabuelos de la Prufer iban en taparrabos cazando mamuts, en Grecia ya había nacido la FILOSOFÍA!!!

PARA ILUSTRAR LA VIDA CON HUMOR NADIE COMO ELLOS. NADIE COMO LOS INGLESES:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwJVcQ-mpA8&search=philosophers%20football

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYlzTdSZeI4&search=silly%20walks

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